There are times when things get dark, but there are also times when the light shines through the cracks.
In the past six months – the feeling of being up and down has become more and more frequent. Sometimes, I have to drag myself out of the darkness. Other times it’s pretty easy.
I don’t want to be in the dark......
I don’t want to give in. It achieves nothing except a shorter life span and a miserable old face.
I can fear the aggression my son shows, or I can accept it and try and find ways to lessen it.
I want there to be a reason why this has happened. I want to be able to do something with what I have experienced and try and stop anyone from ever feeling, how I can feel.
At the moment, we are in the worse situation we have ever been in. Jack is now towering over us. We live in a tiny house with a tiny garden, Jack has been out of his residential placement & home with us for the past 8 months, with no new school in the pipe line. We have no additional respite, and he is now displaying behaviours he never has before, because of what he has experienced. We often have items launched at us, and to add insult to injury, Jack also happens to be an incredible shot! Able to catch you in the head with any household item, from any distance, at any angle.
Yet if I fall into feeling sorry for myself – all that happens is that nothing gets done, and we will continue to be in limbo for longer and longer.
Therefore, I spend every single day, training myself to carry on. It’s the only way. Get up, brush yourself off and fight. Because I’ve got to tell you…. No one else is going to do it for you!
You can spend all day every day, as I have in the past – Just pouring your heart out to people. Desperate for someone to help or understand. Desperate for somebody to take notice. Desperate for someone to give you a piece of advice or a solution I can actually use. All it does is get you labelled as toxic by most, or everyone will hide from you because they think you might ask them to look after your special person for a bit! Or worse still you may turn up at their house. Eek!!
When it comes to professionals – same deal. Now I’m not claiming that you no longer bother to deal with them and go out on your own – but don’t rely upon them. Your best bet is to research your rights and then use them as a bridge between, to get what you need. ("Professionals" only like talking to other “professionals”). You know nothing – you are just a parent after all.
What I’m saying is – that getting upset and begging and pleading will not get you anything – in fact you will just be repeatedly told you are the problem or you're obstructive or losing the plot.
You can get what you need for your child and keep yourself in check ( or so my Buddhist teacher keeps telling me).
Seriously though, at the end of the day our kids need us – and we won’t be around long if we are constantly stressed to the max. So, remember it’s not about letting them win – it's about protecting yourself.
So, get yourself an emotional riot shield and push through. Do anything you can to be resilient to the mess you are in, no matter how hard things get. Keep your chin up, believe in yourself and if that doesn’t work…
Get a real riot shield for indoors too!